River's Adventures
by redvelvetcupcakes
Summary: River Song you are the perfect accident and the only person left in the whole of the universe capable of being my equal and knowing and seeing me for who I am, I want you to fall in love with me the way I fell in love with you"
1. Chapter 1

A/N- I own nothing but I do love River Song as a character, a strong woman running around the universe who doesn't need rescuing every five seconds is a good thing on Dr Who

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><p>Doctor River Song was utterly alone.<p>

Hurled into the bowels of a prison ship and left in the cold, dark cell to await transportation, she crouched against a wall and tried to ease the manacles wrapped around her. The efforts were futile and she surrendered in favour of finding a position where her body would ache less. But the shackles were cuffed to her feet, her hands and her neck and allowed her minimal space to move without the risk of pulling a nerve or dislocating an arm. When she tried to readjust herself by sliding her feet to reach a sitting position, the chains threw her head back and throttled her neck, causing her to choke and thrash, struggling to stand and release the pressure on her throat as her vision swam she gagged. When she managed to get herself upright and the restraints settled back against her skin, she inhaled deeply and managed to breathe freely three times before bursting into tears.

It was childish of her she knew, tears wouldn't solve anything but she was physically, emotionally and psychologically exhausted and her body's response to the situation felt innate. The tears ran down her face as she fought to control herself, to remind herself that she was a strong, intelligent woman who could survive anything, but at that moment she felt like a nervous wreck.

She had just spent three months being tried and convicted for the murder of the Doctor.

He'd explained it to her after Lake Silencio, when she had woken up with little to no memory of the day, he had sat her down and they'd talked about his faked death and how she would be thought guilty of his murder. He's explained it to her as clearly as possible and she'd reminded him that she would do anything to keep him safe.

'_Keep the Doctor safe' _

That had been her mantra when the Judoon soldiers of the Shadow Proclamation had bombarded the TARDIS with gunfire and forced it to crash-land in an artificial ocean on 51st century Mars, the emergency protocols had been jammed and she'd been thrown into the water. Due to lack of necessity, gravity orbs hadn't been installed across the planet yet and River had nearly drowned trying to figure out which way was up. The Judoon had fished her out of the water- literally with a large net, just before her instinct to breathe took over and hauled her up a cliff onto red, dusty earth where they had shot her with a tranquilizer. They'd kept her sedated while they transported her to the asteroids from where the Shadow Proclamation operated and then when the ship had landed, had dragged her to the criminal holding area where they'd found a humanoid waiting to explain that she was under arrest for the murder of the last recorded Timelord.

Due to the enormity of her crime and the belief of her supposed threat to society, she had been stripped of her possessions and placed in solitary confinement, deprived of her right to speak to anyone for the first week. She had fallen sick from the chemically treated water of Mars and eventually, though the guards couldn't understand English, a medic had been brought to treat her. This medic was a Catkind from the Sisters of Plenitude; she had been made aware of River's crime and when the woman had made a comment about the mucus in her chest, had lashed out, tearing her shirt and breaking her skin with her sharp claws. River had fought to defend herself but her trial was brought forward under the concern that she was too dangerous to be kept waiting for her punishment.

She was brought before a public court and before a screaming, blood thirsty crowd, was tried for murder in the first degree, intent to cause extinction of an endangered species and unnecessary violence. As she stood on her portable podium, in the large amphitheatre, the panel of judges debated aloud on whether or not to charge her with genocide, after all, the Doctor had been the last recorded Timelord, but after three hours in which she was forced to stand and watch while the crowd hurled abuse at her, they decided that because the Timelords had been slaughtered by the Daleks and her actions were likely against the Doctor as a being and not as a member of his race, that the charge was doubtful.

She hadn't been allowed a defence, she hadn't been allowed a chance to speak in the court, even when the prosecutors made statements about her, when the reporters from various planets pointed recording devices and demanded answers; if she opened her mouth the guard assigned to watch her would electrify her podium, short and sharp shocks to ensure her obedience.

The trial took three months not to determine whether River was guilty, but so that she and the universe could fully appreciate the heinousness of her crime. When the judges finally retired she was kept to her cell for three days while they decided upon her sentence. Many were calling for the most brutal death sentence available and River began to panic, thinking she and the Doctor had rewritten time, but at the last moment the judges decided on life imprisonment at Stormcage Containment Facility. The highest maximum security prison planet in the universe, escape was impossible; it was guarded by prisoners loaned out from other facilities who could get up to ten years off their sentences if they lasted at Stormcage for a month.

Surprisingly few took up the offer.

They came for her in the middle of the night, six hours ahead of schedule amidst rumours that a mob of vengeance seekers were planning to attack the transport. The cuffs had been the idea of the ship's captain, a man the Doctor had saved at one point or another. She assumed the lack of lighting was as well, because when they finally landed down on the travelling planet known as Stormcage, the dim rain sodden sky nearly blinded her. Disorientated, she nearly tripped as she was dragged from the ship by the captain, a strong arm grabbing her at the last moment. She looked into the face of a middle aged man, stern and yet with no obvious cruelty in his eyes, there was almost something familiar about him but she was so exhausted she couldn't bring herself to place it.

"Thank-you" she murmured, her voice hoarse with disuse. He nodded,

"Remove the chains" he ordered in a strong, clear voice that carried over the howling storm,

"She won't be going anywhere"

They were all drenched by the time they reached the looming grey facility and River was handed over to a battalion of soldiers and instructed to be taken down to the lowest level of the prison. They moved slowly, River Song could barely stand at this point, but she did notice the lack of cells and presumed they were keeping her out of sight, so as to not incite the other prisoners to riot.

She briefly wondered if those serving sentences here were all enemies of the Doctor.

Then she saw her cell up ahead and no longer cared.

The man himself stood at the barred entrance, his hands turning that blasted screwdriver over and over again, his head bowed but that secretive smirk on his face. When they got close he looked up,

"Hello you bad girl"

With a heart wrenching sob River staggered to him as quickly as she could and threw herself into his arms, he caught her but the impact caused them to hit the wall and he slid down to the floor, holding her as she wept in his against his shoulder.

"Hush, hush my love, it's alright"

"It was horrible" she told him, "Every second of every day, I wanted to die"

He kissed her forehead and ran his hands down her back, "I know and I'm sorry, I wanted to be there to protect you but it was too dangerous"

"I wasn't allowed to sleep" she muttered, "They kept loud noise and lights going at all times, they threw cold water at me...at least I think it was water, oh how I hate them"

"Well they won't do that here" he promises with such conviction that her tears stop,

"Stormcage is run by the Justice Department River" He whispered into her hair,

"You'll be safe, you're innocent they know this so they'll protect you and treat you well"

"You're not leaving?" River exclaimed, horrified both by the thought of abandonment and her own weakness. He smirked,

"Of course not, we haven't even unpacked yet"

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><p>A few hours later, River couldn't tell whether it was night or day, the sky was monotonously grey with rain it was impossible to tell, she and the Doctor had their 'first'-in her timeline anyway- married fight.<p>

"I don't care if it's trimmed with the most expensive cloth in the Alice galaxy, I'm not having that bloody thing in my cell" she shouted, ignoring the passing guards who would first stare at the TARDIS, parked right outside her cell, with luggage spilling out, then at the open doors and finally at the man standing across from her toting some strange object or another.

"But River" The Doctor whined, holding it up to the light he'd already adjusted with his screwdriver, making it brighter and more likely to withstand water damage.

"It's to remind you of me, think of it as a keepsake"

She glared, "Keepsakes are for when you're not going to see someone for a long time" She arched a delicate eyebrow and reached for her utility belt and the gun the Doctor had given her,

"Are you trying to tell me something my love?"

The Doctor swallowed nervously and with his eyes on the gun, lowered his hands,

"I think I'll just go put this back in the TARDIS" he surrendered and she smirked,

"Okay sweetie and grab me a cup of tea while you're at it"

The fez was never mentioned again.

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><p>AN- I know River doesn't seem like the crying type but I reckon undergoing a murder trial would be trying for anybody, let me know what you think


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- I own nothing but a curiosity as to why the font at the top of the page is a dull grey instead of black.

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><p>"Lights out!"<p>

The call came over the PA system, startling both occupants of cell 408. River had been sitting on her bed sorting what few possessions she had. The Doctor had clearly dropped in to visit Amy and Rory and raided their house for her belongings but aside from clothes that no longer suited her and a few knick knacks, River had never really owned that many things. She's been trained to see everything and everyone as disposable.

A trait the Doctor clearly didn't share.

Currently he was lying on the concrete floor of the cell playing with a puzzle cube from the sixty-eighth century, "Puzzles are cool" he'd announced before starting the game. As far as River could tell the large, oblong object was an advanced rubik cube. Covered in millions of tiny slots and sliding pieces, the patterns altered as each task was solved, it went from a simple matching of the squares to long riddles in different languages and codes where you had to first sort out the question and then the answer. It seemed like an expensive waste of time to her, then again she found she could appreciate anything that distracted her intergalactic immature husband long enough to keep him out of trouble.

At the sound of the Storm Cage switching to night mode, the Doctor sat up and looked around with a mixture of surprise and mild bewilderment on his face, as though he'd forgotten where he was and wanted to see what was coming. Their eyes met and their gazes held until the sound of a guard stomping through the halls reminded them of the world of responsibilities and lies outside the small cell.

Fixing his defensive smile on his face, the Doctor pulled himself up and held out his hand,

"Come along Song, bed time"

Confused River considered the bed underneath her, the tiny cot and the old mattress, the thin sheets and the lumpy pillow. She barely fit in the bed, how on earth would it take the both of them?

Then she remembered the TARDIS parked just outside.

"No" she told him, not taking his hand and her left eye twitching when she saw the flash of hurt in his eyes, and that hurt tears through her hearts- one that pumps blood with the strength of a Timelord, one that hardly functions and is barely detectable to twenty-first century medics.

But she can't leave her cell to go gallivanting across the universe.

Not yet.

"Doctor," she gets to her feet and the blood rushes from her head, leaving her with a sense of disorientation and a slight blankness in her mind, as though she is no longer part of her own body. Slowly and gently her hand runs up his chest and stops at his neck, cupping it and automatically finding the pressure points of his miraculous but fragile body. She has to actually tell herself not to squeeze, has to make a conscious effort not to kill him and that frightens her.

But not as much as the look on his face.

He's watching her with infinite understanding, able to see the battle raging within her and he stands there patiently, tenderness etched on his features as she takes his life into her dangerously unstable hands.

This is why she was the perfect weapon against the Doctor. All that training to make her one of the best killers in the universe was unnecessary because, at the end of the day, the last of the Timelords would never physically hurt her, he would never take a hand to her, not even in defence of his own life.

With a shudder, she turned to face the wall, the long blank wall broken only by a window and bars,

"Please leave" she begged, crossing her arms to try and prevent herself from attacking him. He fidgeted but made no move to go,

"I have a tendency to run late River" he admitted grimly, "I don't want to come and see you tomorrow only to find that tomorrow is several years later and you've come to hate me"

The fear of the eleventh Doctor, that he would be too late and those he loved would come to resent the mad man with the box who could seemingly do anything but arrive in time to save them.

She still laughed at the concept, "I could never hate you my love, not even in the deepest of my conditioning- surely you know that?"

He ran a hand along her back, shyness coupled with desire and a longing to reach a point where they weren't still strangers to one another.

"Surely you know me well enough to know the emotions I can inspire in people when I hurt them"

Oh yes, as a child she had been shown and taught about how those whom the Doctor hurt or scared, sometimes unwittingly, sometimes very deliberately left scars and twists in the universe. On the top of the pyramid in the alternate universe, although it was a struggle to remember anything else, she remembered quite clearly the searing heart-rending agony when the man she loved had looked at her with fury and spoken words of hate.

She musters her best fake smile and turns in his arms, her breath catching when she sees the look of desire and burgeoning affection on his face, she pushes gently on his chest and is surprised with how easily he moves. "Go sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow night"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Just painting life in Stormcage for River Song, can't help but notice the show hasn't covered (Dr Who confidential exc. we don't get that in Australia anymore) public reaction to her or the guards reaction when they first met her.

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><p>She's woken in the morning by the sound of a guard banging on the bars of her cell; she glares at him through bleary eyes. It hadn't been the easiest of nights for her, the mattress had been uncomfortable to sleep on and the sheets had provided no protection against the cold or the rain that had blown into her cell. She was a soldier and a psychopath but she had always known a modicum of comfort. In the orphanage as a child her caretaker, though addled to simplicity by the Silence, had given her a warm bed to sleep in at night and would come past every few hours to ensure she was well. In Leadworth, the Silence had left her with two minions posing as her parents while she was raised alongside Amy and Rory, for appearances sake and to avoid any unnecessary contact with the outside world, they'd given her a Princess themed room with bed hangings and pink cushions, it had been there that Melody had found her taste for comfort and expense.<p>

Stormcage apparently didn't feel such need.

For breakfast she was tossed a bowl of something she assumed was supposed to resemble food, it was odourless but of such an odd consistency she refused to eat it. She wasn't hungry; she wouldn't be for at least another fortnight if she knew her bodily needs. The wonders of being part Timelord, food was more an occasional requirement than a pressing requirement. The only reason she's slept last night was because she'd been deprived of any rest for the last few months.

After the guard realised that she had no intention of eating, he jerked his head to the small items she had found waiting for her in her cell last night, a thin glorified rag that the Doctor supposed was a towel and a bar of something that he suggested she should consider soap.

Gathering them in her arms, she approached the door only to receive the guard's palm shoved in her face as a stopping symbol. They waited another minute, during which she felt too tired and disheartened to make conversation until she heard the clanking of boots against the cold concrete floor. Three heavily armed guards arrive and join the other one outside her cell at which point the door is opened.

These are her escorts apparently.

Turns out the hygiene facilities aren't even two hundred meters down the corridor from her cell, but she's walked there at a brisk pace and then made to wait while one of the guards operates the auto lock on the door. It slides open and she goes to step around the human barrier when it appears that her escorts have every intention of following her inside.

She stops and waits til one of them catches her eye,

"Don't even think about it boys" she tells them in her deadly sweet voice,

"I'm a married woman"

The original guard opens his mouth, presumably to argue with her or state some regulation where she has to be accompanied at all times, but she fixes him with a glare designed to remind him of why exactly she's in Stormcage in the first place and steps into the facility. The door closes and locks behind her and she sighs despondently at the basic equipment around her before dropping her items on the bench and approaching the dials.

She very quickly deduces that the sanitizing faucet operates on the freezing rain water that eternally pours onto Stormcage. She gasps as it hits her skin, painful and near unbearable no matter how she tries to adjust her body to the sensation and she gives up when her finger tips turn blue.

The guards don't meet her eyes when she emerges pale and shivering from the facility and she wonders whether the water is always on the verge of becoming hail or if it was the attempted vengeance of one of the guards on behalf of the Doctor.

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><p>An hour later and she's covered in bruises, scratches and standing before the Warden of Stormcage, the man she'd first met on her arrival, the man who'd shown her kindness and freed her from the cuffs binding her. He has an eyebrow raised in a mixture of curiosity and displeasure, reading the comm. pad in front of him. She maintains her air of detachment, slightly difficult with a throbbing temple and possible concussion.<p>

"She refused a medical exam you say?" he enquires of the guards surrounding her, half the original number and to a man suffering fractures, breaks or bleeding. The one who'd picked her up this morning tries to nod with a possibly jarred spine. The warden looks up and studies the men before settling his eyes on River Song, she sees them widen a mere fraction, the same look when she'd first set off the alarms and been dragged into his office.

"Tell me, how violently did she refuse this examination?" he demands in a cold tone that reminds her of Madame Kovarian. Cold fury scares her, with the Doctor and her parent's anger was something that was hot and loud and fleeting. Cold fury she associates with ice caps, something that can last for ages. She readjusts herself, straightening up and throwing back her shoulders.

"Sir?" a guard to the left of her voices the confusion of the group and the Warden turns burning eyes upon the young man,

"According to this report, Doctor Song verbally refused to be looked over by our medic, she physically refused to enter the area but nowhere in this report does it say she resorted to violence- which leads me to wonder why she is covered in bruises. I ask again gentlemen _how violently did she refuse this examination?_"

"Not at all" she announces, speaking for the first time, "I tend not to throw a punch when I'm unarmed surrounded by heavily armed men" she shrugs and gives him her sassy smile,

"Rumours say it doesn't end well"

The guards are all asked to surrender their weaponry and await disciplinary action- likely to be sent back to the prisons they were loaned out from. The Warden gestures for River to sit and brings out a tea set she guesses to be from the Fifth Bountiful human empire. The tea is called Traditional English Dinner and tastes like chicken, mint peas and gravy, River wonders what it says about her when she likes the taste.

"So Doctor Song" the Warden begins studying her as she holds the colour changing, five handled, double bowl cup.

"Afraid of doctors are we?"

She almost chokes on the tea before realising it was an attempt at a joke and smiles at the man, "Just cautious about being in a room with angry people and sharp objects"

"Are you with foal?"

River Song shakes her head even while noticing that the Warden's strange choice of words places him in the Equinean species, although with most of the equine bred out of him judging by the opposable thumbs and general human appearance.

"No...just don't need any medics running scans on me"

"Hmmm," he places his cup back on the shape-shifting saucer, "Doctor Song, while I am aware of your innocence and am thus willing to ensure you enjoy the general comfort I can afford you, I must ask that you do your best to keep a low profile. The Justice Department is liable to investigation and as such any misbehaviour on my part..."

She cuts him off by reaching over and placing a hand atop his own, "I understand"

She hates him in that moment. Hates him for being kind and generous when she had hoped for cruel and detestable. Her entire life she's never known a caretaker that treats her well and doesn't know how to react accordingly.

What's more, how can she bring herself to escape and spend her nights with the Doctor when to do so could harm the man whose only crime was compassion?

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><p>AN- Found myself wondering if there isn't a constant turnover of guards and wardens at Stormcage with River's frequent breakouts?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N- I own nothing but in the future plan to own the first 2005 season of Dr Who, I figure if I slowly go buy the season by the time I'm up to number six it wont be so expensive. Anyhow, reviews are welcome.

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><p>These thoughts plague her for the rest of the day; the reality of her prison sentence finally sinking in, she ignores the tiny miserable world outside her cell and lies motionless on her bed, she settles so deeply into reverie that she doesn't even notice the changing guards, the darkening sky or the sound of the TARDIS beginning its arrival with the breaks still on. It is only when the TARDIS consciousness or 'mother' as it likes to call itself to River, reaches out and brushes against her mind that she rouses herself enough to sit up on the bed and watch the Doctor bound towards her,<p>

"Hello" he smirks, trying to feign a casual air that would be so much more convincing if he hadn't run the short distance from the TARDIS to her cell.

"Hello" she responds and he breaks out into an exuberant smile, whipping out his sonic to open the cell door and slip in, she holds out her hands to him and he takes them in his, swinging them to and fro,

"Where are we for you?" she asks out of sheer habit and though she didn't think it possible, the Doctor's smile widens, he releases one of her hands to check his watch,

"Exactly twenty-three hours, forty-three minutes and five seconds since we unpacked your belongings" he announces before giving her a worried glance,

"Where are we for you?"

She musters a small smile, "Twenty-three hours, forty-three minutes and thirty seconds since I told you that everything would be fine and you'd arrive on time"

He giggles, "You were right"

"Yes" she counters, amazed at how simply being around him has cheered her up. It astounds her that the Timelord who has seen so much, that has done so much can still be happy and eager to experience everything around him. Although she suspects that he's made it part of his nature to never look back and thus seek pleasure and excitement all around him to prevent any unwitting reflection on his life.

He pulls her to her feet and looks her over, "Ready?"

She grins, "Always"

He runs from the cell, tugging her along behind him, into the TARDIS with suspiciously no guards around to note the escape.

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><p>The ship is warm and welcoming, slipping tendrils into her mind and humming as it begins to adjust according to her needs, she feels herself beginning to relax as the doors close and the Doctor begins dancing around the console, chatting away happily as he pulls a lever.<p>

"So...our wedding night, I was thinking we could visit the Formerly Lost Moon of Poosh" he giggled at the name, "I have no idea what it's like but I've been meaning to visit since I returned it to its galaxy and if we get bored Poosh has wonderful dancing"

"Dancing?" River echoed disbelievingly and the Doctor grabbed her hand spinning her around and then pulling her close to him, a mixture of eagerness and shyness. He looks into her eyes, not something he usually does for longer than an instant, normally he moves too quickly for that,

"Your days may be spent in Stormcage Doctor Song, but we can spend your nights dancing across the stars"

She smiles before pressing his lips to hers to steal a kiss, sliding her arms about his neck.

"It is our wedding night my love, surely we can stay in?"

He wrinkles his face, "Stay in? And do what?"

She laughs at his naivety and wraps her fingers around his suspenders, bringing his body against her own as she leant on the console, "Oh Doctor, what do you think?"

She kisses him again, catching his mouth open and slipping her tongue in to press against his. She wondered if he would always be so shell-shocked when she kissed him. He flounders for a few moments before returning the kiss,

"Well, that was nice" he blusters when they break for air, she grins at his endearing lack of expertise with her,

"More where that came from" she promises before leaning in again, only this time he stops her,

"River"

When she ignores him and turns her lips to his jaw and neck instead, he places his hands on her shoulders and gently pushes her away, "River no, not yet"

River has never been rejected before and this moment is so ridiculous that she gapes at him in shock, "But...we're married my love, surely you want to..."

"I do" he admits, tangling one of his hands in her hair, cupping her head, "However I want you to fall in love me first"

River opens her mouth to point out that she'd dreamed of marrying him when she was a child and Kovarian's teachings and trainings, her never-ending focus on the Timelord had filled her young head to the point where the idea of thinking of another person was ludicrous but the Doctor stops her by speaking first,

"I know you think you love me now River, but that's not love, what you feel is the fixation of a lonely traumatized child who was supposed to hate me but was conditioned to the point where the lines blurred and the only feeling you could acknowledge was passion. It became love only because Amy and Rory care for me but it could have easily swung the other way and we would still be fighting now. Melody Pond, you are a one-time miracle, a being conceived on the wish of a human and the heart of the TARDIS as it flew through the Time Vortex, theoretically you are possible but physically and statistically impossible. River there will never be another like you, not even if we tried. You are the perfect accident and the only person left in the whole of the universe capable of being my equal and knowing and seeing me for who I am, I want you to fall in love with me the way I fell in love with you"

"By cheating and out-of-sync meetings?" she quips, even as she holds his hands and squeezes them affectionately, he grins and nods,

"Or by seeing my fantastic skills on the dance floor"

She rolls her eyes and breaks away turning to descend the stairs, "If you insist sweetie, but don't hurry on my account, I haven't even begun to get ready yet"

He frowned and flipped the blue stabilizer unthinkingly, nearly jamming the TARDIS in mid-flight and colliding with an asteroid,

"How much time do you need?"

His only response is laughter that trails from the hallway as she disappears from sight.

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><p>By the time the TARDIS is in orbit, River still hasn't emerged and the Doctor goes off in search of his wife, checking the kitchen, the guest bedrooms, a blank room that's been assigned to her and she hasn't found yet and the swimming pool. He has a brief second of discomfort when he wonders if perhaps she wasn't in his room but the TARDIS hummed a negative, assuring him that his living quarters hadn't been opened for at least a year now, she then pointed him to a yellow door still materializing and he thanked her before pushing it open.<p>

In retrospect he should have knocked first.

The room is lit by dozens of floating candles and the Doctor recognizes the music in the background as a harmony from the Colony of Humanoids on 51st Century Jupiter. In the centre of the tiled room is a large bathtub from the 60th century, top of the range on several planets with jets that would fill the tub with any liquid the owner so desired. Right now from the smell and the texture, he could guess that River was bathing in the finest scented mud water that was manufactured and sold on luxury star liners. Her head was tilted back and she had her eyes closed, looking so relaxed he wondered if it was right to disturb her. He put his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat, causing her to look at him,

"Yes?" she murmured in such a soft gentle tone that he was exceedingly grateful that the bathtub was filled with opaque liquid and he wasn't granted a view of her naked body. He'd turned her down yes, but there was hardly a need to test his resolve.

"We were supposed to go dancing" he reminded her and she wrinkled her nose,

"I have nothing to wear" she admitted and he rocked back on his toes,

"Seriously River? I have costumes from every period of time and every part of space in a colossal wardrobe six corridors and three doors down, I have a whole section of that wardrobe dedicated to dancing and fezzes and bowties- you can't tell me you have nothing to wear"

River shrugged and lifted a delicate leg out of the water to inspect her toes while the Doctor averted his eyes to study the really fascinating blank wall,

"Those clothes aren't mine"

"Yes, well when we get some time we'll go shopping, 31st century Poosh has one of the largest collections of shops in this galax..." the Doctor slams his hands to his mouth but he can tell from the triumphant grin on her face that River was well aware of the attractions of Poosh before he even spoke.

"Shopping" she mused, "What a wonderful idea"

She grabs the silk towel from beside the bathtub and the Doctor turns his back as she covers herself. She reaches out and caresses his neck as she moves past him, "I'll be ready in five minutes" she calls, "Don't forget to sonic your intergalactic credit card- wouldn't want to max it out"

He chuckles and rubs his face, leaning against the wall, knowing he's just been played by a brilliant mind. Oh well, maybe he could convince her to go dancing after they were done shopping.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N- I own nothing but I'm resurrecting some Miracle Day characters for the next few chapters.

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><p>Amelia Pond was getting used to the Doctor and River's impromptu visits, but they always managed to be a surprise. For instance two months back when she and Rory had come home from visiting her mum to find the TARDIS in the back yard, River on the couch and the Doctor in the bathtub. All three of them fast asleep and looking worse for wear. Just yesterday she'd come home from the shops with a pregnancy test and wondering whether to tell Rory before or after and found the TARDIS parked on the roof, the largest bouquet of flowers and balloons in the kitchen, the guest room converted into a nursery and Rory frozen as a statue in stunned disbelief. It had made the pregnancy test unnecessary but she'd got a surprise when she'd opened the pantry door to find the Doctor and her daughter once again in a dead sleep. That night before bed, Amy had asked why they never seemed to be able to make it to a bed when they stopped to visit and River had simply shrugged her shoulders and muttered something about not having the time or the energy to make it that far.<p>

This morning she'd woken up early and wandered down to the kitchen to find the TARDIS was now sitting happily on Rory's strawberry patch and River was meandering across the back garden still wrapped up in a dressing gown.

"Morning" she yawned as she entered the house, "How'd you sleep?"

Amy grinned, "Good except for that half hour the Doctor was scrambling around on the roof...he didn't jump down the chimney by any chance did he?"

River gave a long-suffering sigh, "He did, created a hell of a mess in the living room- said it was his civil duty to ensure there were no blockages, I pointed out it wasn't and he argued that he was the caretaker of this house"

Amy rolled her eyes both irritated and amused by her best friends wild antics, apparently being married to River hadn't made him any more mature,

"Tea?" she offered, getting started on breakfast and River nodded,

"Yes please, I'll get the paper it's been too long since I knew what was going on with this planet"

By the time breakfast was on the table Rory had staggered out of bed and the Doctor had emerged fully dressed from the TARDIS although still sporting some cobwebs which River tenderly brushed from his hair. The food didn't interest him but he became fascinated with the expensive coffee maker Amy had brought Rory for Valentine's Day.

After having watched it make five different types of coffee, he declared that it should make tea and unplugged it immediately so that he could set it on the table and get to work 'improving it'.

"So..." Rory began, watching as the Doctor stared intently at a red wire, "Amy and I were planning on seeing a film today- you interested River?"

"Hmmm?" River had been focusing her attention on the mallet at the Doctor's side, it usual purpose was banging buttons and levers on the TARDIS console when they didn't work as the Timelord would like, "Oh yes, I haven't seen a movie in years sweetie do you want to...?"

"I've got it!" The Doctor shouted before standing up so quickly that he knocked his chair over and bounding through the back door in a beeline for his ship.

By the time the three of them were showered, dressed and ready to go, trying their best to ignore the crashing sounds coming from within the blue box, he'd emerged with what Amy thought could possibly be the most ridiculous hat in the universe.

"It's my thinking hat" he announced as he sat back down at the table, the monstrosity on his head wobbling slightly with the movement, "Eighteen layers of ancient Chinese silk, three singing bells from the Heart of Happiness colony and..." he gave her a cheeky grin, "So far it's proved completely resistant to every weapon River's tried"

"I'm not giving up hope though" River countered as she came down the stairs in an outfit she'd borrowed from Amy, "One day I'll find a weapon powerful enough"

"That's the spirit" Amy congratulated, "Now come on, let's go before this situation gets anymore ridiculous"

"We'll be back in about three or four hours" Rory informed him from the front door,

"Please try not to damage the house _too_ much"

* * *

><p>Planet Earth was being invaded and it was up to him, Rex Matheson to do something about it.<p>

The CIA had been alerted to the NASA findings three days ago, UNIT had called Shapiro who'd brought him in on the meeting and suggested him as the CIA-UNIT Liaison. He'd stumbled out of the briefing and into the intel area feeling more bewildered than he had been during Miracle Day. Esther had picked up on his mood immediately and, when he'd given her the bare snippets of information, had set to work. She'd tried calling Torchwood only to find that Jack and Gwen weren't available and then called Rhys to discover they were tracking alien activity on the Inca trail. Checking the web for clues on what to do in the event of an Alien Incursion she'd found the British Government's manual which she'd downloaded and brought to him, she'd opened it to chapter three,

"_The Doctor" Rex read aloud before looking up at her, "Is this a code for the Prime Minister or what?" _

_She shook her head, her long blonde hair falling about her face, "I already checked it's not a code for any position in the British Government but the Doctor is mentioned in British Intelligence all the way back to Winston Churchill and in FBI records as an agent of Scotland Yard. It says here in the revised Harriet Jones era manual that- "In the event of dealings with an Alien species believed to be hostile, the Doctor is to be contacted and asked for assistance, he is to have his needs met and his opinions listened to as they have always been of great value. It is likely the Doctor shall decide to commute with the aforementioned Aliens directly and though he has no authority in the United Kingdom, this method is preferable as he will likely have the most knowledge regarding the species and how to ensure the continued safety of Earth" _

_Rex smirked, "Sounds like an important guy, but who is he?"_

_She shrugged, "His name isn't ever mentioned, just the Doctor"_

"_Okay," Rex leant back and rubbed his breast, the area above his heart where he'd been impaled two years ago, "how do we find him?"_

_Esther flipped forward a few pages and pointed to a sentence she had highlighted, it was a regular British phone number, "I've already tried it and I get his voicemail, he's not answering" _

_Picking up the phone, he tried himself, putting it on speaker, it rang eleven times before it clicked to a recorded message. _

"_Hello you've called the Doctor, unfortunately I can't come to the phone right now, literally I can't... River's handcuffed me to the railings, apparently she and the TARDIS are in cahoots and now she's gone to listen to Yasood the famous Ood story teller and she took my screwdriver with her. According to the TARDIS she shouldn't be back for at least another hour...seriously its getting boring, but anyway, leave your name, contact number, planet of habitation, species, current time and a short message and I'll get back to you in five minutes, give or take regarding wibbly wobbly timelines and...Oh River you're back, good, don't suppose you'd be willing to..."_

_The message cut off leaving Rex staring at the phone and Esther nodding understandingly at his bewilderment, "Yep" _

Some other people might have given this up as a hoax but Esther had presented him with legend upon legends of this Doctor fellow, stories that even in his wildest fantasies Rex found hard to believe- until she'd uncovered the remnants of a Torchwood file on the Doctor listing him as powerful and dangerous. Rex hadn't really cared what the file had said but he reckoned that if Torchwood which investigated alien crap was interested in this Doctor person then he was at least worth talking to. So Rex had run a search on the Doctor, for bank records, health records- anything and then he'd remembered to trace the phone number. It had taken four days and pinged all over the world before finally settling on a location. A nice townhouse in London with a bright blue door and expensive car parked out the front.

So that's where he and the armed agents under his command were headed.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N- Has anybody else noticed that both Sherlock and the Doctor faked their death this season? I own nothing but contempt for Donovan and Anderson and interest in how the hell they plan to explain Sherlock being perfectly fine after jumping off the building.

* * *

><p>The Doctor had originally planned to just upgrade the coffee maker to make tea as well, but then he'd noticed that Rory and Amy only had two taps over their kitchen sink 'Hot' and 'Cold', which was rather boring, especially considering how much Rory liked orange juice. So he'd been under the kitchen sink, installing another tap when there had been a knock at the door, surprising him enough to bump his head. Cursing and swiping his hat off, he moved into the hallway and pointed his screwdriver at the entrance, it swung open when he was still six feet away and the man standing on the step stared incredulously,<p>

"How'd you do that?" he demanded and the Doctor grinned,

"Wibbly wobbly sciency wiency- can I help you?" he folded his hands behind his back and studied the man in front of him. North American going by the accent, dark-skinned, suit, twenty-first century appearance and mannerisms, the stranger cleared his throat and held up an identification card,

"Yeah, uh, Agent Rex Matheson of the CIA...I'm looking for the Doctor"

The last of the Timelords frowned and stared at the card before snatching out of the agent's hands and pointing his sonic at it, the readings showed it was regular Earth plastic, nothing psychic or alien. He tossed it back to the bewildered man,

"Well Agent Matheson" he grinned, "You found me, would you like some coffee, tea or orange juice? Ooh, I also recalibrated the freezer so you could have freshly baked scones if you like, I like scones...scones are cool"

He wandered back into the house and heard the agent following him, in the backyard his TARDIS hummed her interest at the good looking visitor but he sent her a telepathic warning, he still remembered the headache caused when British Intelligence had found out about her, Winston Churchill still pick pocketed his keys every Thursday during their lunch hour.

_Outlandish._

That was the word that Rex Matheson found running through his head as he studied the man. He looked to be about late twenties, ridiculous clothing, a bowtie and hair that seemed to be styled only by him frequently running his hand through it. His eyes flicked around the house, there was no sign of anybody else around although he knew that it was owned by a medical doctor and a model with her own perfume. It was Esther's favourite, she was waiting for him at the airport now and he'd bet money that she was planning to sneak off the plane and visit a duty free store.

The Doctor was talking now, blabbering on about something and while he was distracted, Agent Matheson placed his hand inside his jacket and clicked three times, although the second he was finished the man spun about and stared at him with sharp hazel eyes,

"Why'd you do that?" he challenged and Rex felt the tiniest unease in his stomach, "Do what?"

"Your fingers, you put your fingers in you jacket and clicked them, why? It's not a nervous tick you aren't showing any other signs of discomfort, it's not a habit because you paid attention to yourself while you were doing it and you waited until my back was turned and you thought I wasn't looking. Agent Rex Matheson" he pronounced the name carefully,

"Why are you here?"

Rex shrugged, trying to feign casualness while counting down the seconds in his head,

"Told you I'm looking for the Doctor,"

"And I told you I am the Doctor and yet you haven't asked me any questions, so what exactly is it that you want?"

Three,

Two,

One,

The sounds of the helicopter arriving overhead coincided with the screech of tires as the brigade of armoured cars filled with agents pulled up outside and cut off the street. Rex watched as the man looked about wildly and then turned to the backyard, where a small troop of S.W.A.T loaned from the UK were storming the small space pointing guns in his general direction.

"What's going on?" he wasn't panicked which Rex had expected; instead the agent could detect cold anger and indignation in his voice. He reminded him of Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper, he was going to enjoy this,

"Doctor I am placing you under arrest to be transported to America for questioning"

"Questioning, questioning about what?"

The front door was kicked in as another team arrived and surrounded the two of them, Rex waved them forward and two men approached the Doctor with handcuffs,

"Try not to struggle" he smirked but the Doctor didn't take the bait, he stayed still as they snapped the metal around is wrists.

Rex led the team out of the house and to where one of the cars was waiting with open doors, he climbed in the front and the Doctor was unceremoniously thrown into the back. He grinned and got his cell phone out as the cars began pulling away, hitting speed dial he only had to wait a few seconds before she picked up,

"Hello?"

"Hey, Esther it's me, we got him the guy didn't even put up a fight, we'll be at Heathrow in about half an hour, tell them to have the jet ready for takeoff"

"Why are you doing this?" the man asked after Rex had hung up, he looked in his mirror to see the Doctor watching him from the back seat, his eyes giving him the spooks,

"If you had asked me for help I would have come willingly"

Rex snorted, "Right, sure you would have, a man who doesn't exist but is listed by the British government as the go-to-expert for alien incursions, who doesn't even look thirty but has been mentioned in the last sixty years of Intelligence gathering the world over, who doesn't even have a name but whom Torchwood has a file on, I'm sure you're harmless"

"To my friends I am" the Doctor replied calmly, ignoring the sarcasm, "To my enemies I am the Oncoming Storm"

Spoken by anybody else that sentence would have sounded ridiculous and boastful, but it seemed fitting coming from this man's mouth, as though he was powerful in a way Rex couldn't understand yet.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N- Usual disclaimer, I own nothing but warning I am about to rename the story so keep an eye out 'Dying, Living, Marrying and Arguing'

* * *

><p>Esther stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching as the cars pulled up onto the tarmac. Behind her the plane was getting ready for takeoff and causing her hair to fly everywhere. When Rex climbed out of the car, waving his arm and issuing instructions she couldn't hear she began to walk towards him, resisting the urge to run into his arms- barely. Every so often the memory of him kissing her goodbye in the tunnel of the Blessing flashed in her mind's eye and she wondered anew what his feelings for her were. Nothing had happened since but she held out hope.<p>

She dragged her eyes away from him and looked to the policemen opening the car door, a man in pants that were too short, suspenders, a long jacket and a bow tie. Esther couldn't decide if he was dressed in hipster, steam punk or bohemian, but the first thing she noticed conclusively was that he was remarkably graceful for a man in handcuffs. Most people had trouble walking with their hands tied behind their back but he managed to keep up with the policeman escorting him to the plane.

"Is this him?" Esther turned to Rex as he went to walk past her, he stopped at her shoulder and threw a glance back at the man who was now staring at the main airport terminal with a scrunched up face, he was asking a question of the policeman but neither of them could hear over the howling wind.

"He answered to the title" Rex shrugged and took her arm, they started climbing the stairs,

"Has Shapiro called?" he asked, not even bothering to watch as the prisoner bounded up behind them and landed in the doorway with a little jump, confusing the air hostess with his energetic manner. He gave the young red head woman a grim smile and then turned to follow Rex and Esther as they finished conversing in the aisle.

"Uh yeah, he says there'll be an escort at the airport to make sure you get him to Langley safely"

She noticed the man watching them, he was kneeling on one of the seats, leaning out slightly with his head tilted, she wasn't sure if it was her mind playing tricks or her instinct but something about him just seemed alien. With a nervous smile on her face she sat down in the seat across from him, his eyes following her the entire time,

"Hello" he greeted politely, "I'm the Doctor"

She tucked her hair behind her ear, "Doctor who?"

He shrugged, "Just the Doctor"

"Okay, I'm Esther Drummond" out of sheer habit she held out her hand and got a shock when he took it in his own to shake, the handcuffs nowhere to be seen. She opened her mouth to sound the alarm but Rex spotted the scene first,

"Hey, what the hell?" he demanded, coming around to face the Doctor's seat and unable to see the handcuffs anywhere, "What did you do?"

"Those cuffs were too tight, they _hurt_...I took them off"

"Where are they?"

He fished them out of his jacket pocket, even though Esther hadn't seen the bulge they surely must have created.

"I'm putting these back on you," Rex announced, bending over the tall man but he didn't comply,

"That isn't necessary; this plane is about to be several thousand feet up in the air, even I probably can't escape from that"

Rex glared, "Oh you think you're being real smart don't you?"

The Doctor gave him a small grin, "Smarter than you so not that much"

In spite of herself, Esther giggled, catching Rex's attention and earning her an angry glare, the stewardess stepped into the area and announced the plane was ready for takeoff, causing some of the tension to dissipate before the verbal became physical. Muttering furiously under his breath, Rex stalked off and the Doctor turned to face her, bouncing with enthusiasm.

"Planes! Planes are fun, I haven't flown in a plane since...well since biplanes, had a lesson in 1911...didn't end too well" his face fell and his expression held both realisation and bewilderment, "Esther Drummond, never try to knit while flying a biplane"

She laughed and nodded her head, "Got it,"

The plane began moving and he slid over to the window, smiling as the tires lifted and the ground flew past beneath them, "Look at us go" he murmured and Esther moved to the seat next to him, looking over his shoulder at the fast shrinking world as if seeing it for the first time.

It was brilliant.

* * *

><p>The moment he pulled the car into their street, Rory Williams knew something was desperately wrong. Three police vehicles were stationed outside his home and his front door was wide open.<p>

No, when he stopped the car he could see that the door wasn't open, it had been kicked in.

"River" Amy shouted as their daughter scrambled out of the backseat and raced across the road, darting around the police and into the house. Rory jumped out and quickly followed but a policewoman stopped him,

"Sir, I'm afraid this is a crime scene" she tells him in a firm Welsh voice,

"This is my home" he argues and she steps back,

"Then we're going to need to ask you some questions"

Amy arrives at his elbow as he moves closer to the police car so that a notebook can be fetched and his details checked.

"What's going on?" she demands but he shrugs and looks over his shoulder to the living room where he can make out his daughter spinning in a full circle before disappearing from sight.

* * *

><p>Someone had taken her husband.<p>

Someone was going to die- _painfully_.

The hell with peacemaking and better solutions and all the sweet nicey wicey things the Doctor had been teaching her. When Melody Pond finished out the day there wouldn't be a scrap of flesh left of her future victim.

From the backyard the TARDIS whirs reproachfully,

'_River Song'_ it whispered to her, '_You're River Song now_'

'_Shut up'_ she snaps in return, _'your owner taken before your eyes and you do nothing, how useless are you?' _

It hums in hurt but she ignores the message it's trying to send to her head, shutting out everything but her training.

The sonic screwdriver leaves the faintest trace on an object for three standard Earth hours after its use, unperceivable to twenty-first century technology but her scanner picks it up and tells her that the sonic was used between two and five minutes before the door was kicked down.

The Doctor hadn't realised he was in danger. But of course he wouldn't, the last of the Timelords was ridiculously stupid when it came to his own preservation. Honestly there were times when she wondered if she had been wrong to rescue him from The Zoo, the planet dedicated to housing endangered species and preventing their extinction, then again the managers had tried to implement her into the Timelord breeding program, which was not how she wanted to experience her first sexual encounter with the Doctor, pumped full of fertility treatment and in a small room with a camera for millions of viewers to watch what happened.

But they would be having words about his understanding of dangerous situations in the future.

For the Doctor had opened the door, likely to admit a small number of people, judging from the minuscule smears of dirt and the imprints on her mother's carpet, imperceptible to human eyes and difficult for hers. They had entered the living room and then the backup had arrived. Dozens of deep footprints littered the back yard, men and women who'd been weighed down by weaponry had stormed through her parent's house. The Doctor would have had no choice but to surrender immediately.

Whoever had taken her husband hadn't realised that all of that aggression hadn't been necessary, if they were his ally and wanted his help all they'd had to do was ask. Which meant that whoever had taken him didn't consider themselves to be an ally.

So that ruled out the Brits, experience had taught them not to manhandle the Timelord. The Europeans weren't in the habit of requesting alien presence and Australia had a bounty on the Doctor since the incident involving hyper-vodka and crash landing a Dalek fleet ship into Sydney Harbour in the late twenties, although that was mostly her fault.

Whoever had taken her husband had been pretty arrogant to think they could kidnap someone on British soil in the middle of the-...

"America" she mused aloud, getting to her feet and brushing herself off as Amy tiptoed into the house,

"What?" her mother asked, taking a seat at the table cautiously as if worried it planned to blow up,

"American's took the Doctor and are likely taking him back to the States" she clicked her fingers and the TARDIS begrudgingly swung her door open.

"Alright" Amy stood up again, "Let's go then, we'll take the TARDIS and..."

"You are not going anywhere" Rory interrupted as he came around the back entrance,

"Amy we're having a baby- we agreed no adventures and no travelling on the TARDIS while pregnant- not after what happened last time"

River Song would have understood the apprehension and reason for that agreement.

Melody Pond was mildly offended, she hadn't turned out too badly had she? Granted she was a psychopath trained to kill their best friend but she was also extremely polite and exceptionally intelligent, she had always got perfect grades at Luna University.

"Neither of you are going anywhere" she announced firmly, pushing past her father to get to the backyard, "I'm going to retrieve my husband and you two humans would slow me down"

Her words stun them both too much to argue properly and it's not until she's striding around the control island setting course for Washington D.C that she realises that River Song would never have spoken to her parents in that tone of voice- so devoid of anything but cold determination.

Well tough, they could ground her the next time she visited.


End file.
